Thursday, October 13, 2005

Missed it by that much....

I guess Creswell didn't see that trainwreck of a Bullpen coming.

However, since I managed to pick every single game as absolutely completely wrong as I possibly could, I would like to offer up the following predictions for the rest of the Falcons' season:

10/16 Falcons at Saints: Vick is held out of the game due to his kneee injury and becomes increasingly annoyed with coach Mora. Ty Detmer has to start the game after Matt Shaub arrives to the game 45 minutes late after getting lost in the basement while touring the Alamo. Aaron Brooks throws for 497 yards, 5 touchdowns and no turnovers, prompting thousands of fantasy football players to pick him up and start him next week. Heh, suckers. Saints 42 Falcons 13

10/24 Jets at Falcons: Vick complains to the media about being held out the previous week, Mora deactivates him out of spite. Arthur Blank is happy because now he can push Vick around in a wheelchair for another week. Matt Shaub, determined not to be late for another game, shows up at the stadium at 7am on Sunday. Sadly, he forgets this is a Monday night game and ends up leaving at 3pm on Monday, furious that the rest of the team, the other team, all support staff and 65000 fans couldn't be bothered to show up. Vinnie Testeverde leads the Jets to an opening touchdown drive where he scores on a 1-yd touchdown run. Inspired, Ty Detmer tries a bootleg on the first play of the Falcons' opening possession and gets crushed by John Abraham. TJ Duckett ends up as QB for the rest of the game. After a Duckett interception in the redzone with less than two minutes to play in the game, Vick mouths off to Mora and they get into a slap fight on the sideline. Rod Coleman lost for the season when he tears an abdominal muscle from laughing too hard. Jets 23 Falcons 17

11/6 Falcons at Dolphins: Vick, still upset at Mora, visits Ricky Williams before the game. Vick is much more relaxed after the meeting and refuses to be activated for the game, insisting that Mora was right all along. Matt Shaub is able to start the game after being handcuffed to Coach Knapp when he was seen sauntering vaguely toward south beach earlier in the week. Unfortunately the keys to the cuffs could not be found and Knapp has to play center throughout the game. The Falcons' running game is shut down as Dunn keeps getting clotheslined by Knapp trying to go up the middle. The difference in the game is a 72 yard touchdown reception by Chambers caused by Jason Webster tripping over Vick, who is meditating in the lotus position on the sideline. The Dolphins' offices are found vandalized after the game with 'I will have my revenge 2010' smeared in chum on the wall. Dolphins 10 Falcons 6

more to come...

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