Thursday, June 30, 2005

Happy 100th Anniversary

Moonlight Graham.

(Bull Durham's still a better movie)

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Warping Minds, One Post at a Time

Just when you think things couldn't get any more surreal .....................................
they do.

(Warning: links are of a somewhat dubious nature, unless you work for russian bikini contortionists)

I am now a fan of Tom Cruise


Just don't expect me to go see that overblown drek he's been promoting incessantly lately with his wackiness. I have to hand it to Dreamworks, why spend millions promoting the film when you can have your star lose his mind on every talk show on the air and get thousands of hours of free publicity. Just don't expect me to plop down $9.50 to see an hour and a half of Dakota Fanning crapping her pants in terror followed by the inevitable Spielberg trademark "There, There. Don't be upset, Unka Stevie will make evwything alllll better" bullshit ending. I'd rather rent Close Encounters (or better yet, borrow 'The Day The Earth Stood Still') to get my fill of Alien hijinx this holiday weekend. My cohort Josh sums it up perfectly with his Scientology rule for Sci-Fi Films. Name ONE good Sci-Fi film starring a practicing scientologist. Besides, Steve will never surpass his masterpiece (and no, I'm not being sarcastic. I really mean it.)

Of course ya gotta love how the media is attacking him like a pack of starving wolves after handling him with kid gloves for so long. It's not like he's even saying anything that's horribly out of the mainstream:
"I think drugs are over prescribed by quack psychiatrists"
"I think there is probably life on other planets"
"I really want to bang Katie Holmes"
Hell, most of America agrees with at least one of those ideas... I guess ol' Tommy boy shoulda paid his publicist better. Oh well, that's show business. HOLLYWOOOOOOOOOD!

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Feeling Drafty

Ok, let's see how badly they fucked it up this time...

Hmmm... Marvin Williams. Not bad. They might have done good for once. Wait... Marvin Gaye Williams! Hey, that's pretty damn cool. A little sexual healing for the birds, eh?

Let's see, who else... Salim Stoudamire. Well hell we needed a point, that's not too ba- wha? He's a 6-1 shooting guard?? Eh, looks like he can hit the three at least, he still can't be worse than Diaw.

Ok, who else did they pick...


Cenk Akyol.


Cenk Akyol?!?


Cenk Akyol.......................


CENK AKYOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(still has to be better than Diaw)

Sometimes you don't need to write the post

Be careful when you expand eminent domain rights in your home state

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

While on the subject of time wasting

When talking of flash games, who can forget Xiao Xiao?. Stick it to the music industry by listening to some non-RIAA tainted music available at Magnatune. "They're a record label, but they're not evil". And of course, there is no better way to waste time at work than BBC Radio

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Waste some time

By wasting little stick figures. Defend Your Castle allows the inner curmudgeon in you to finally whack all those brats that keep running on your lawn. Wizards are teh kewl :)

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Jon in Tucker...


Not for calling in on the Stu and Mark Atlanta Braves Postgame show and going "Dude, am I the tenth caller?!? YEEAAA-" *dump*, but for doing it right after some old bastard called in for the 283rd time this year sucking up to Lemmer by suggesting that he should come back and play for the Braves. Because Lord knows, we need another infielder since Giles is the only hitter on the team that hasn't sucked or got hurt but the team was better back in those days before all the newfangled players with their big contracts and talent came in and back in the good ol' days we went 61-101 and we liked it dagnabbit because they were real hardnosed players and I used to watch them on TBS back when they had Andy Griffith on not this darnfangled yankee Sex up the City crap with these librul hoochies wiggling around being heathens we had I say we had good ol' Lemmer and good ol' Aunt Bee and she'd get her ass in the kitchen and bake me a PIE while Zane Smith was on the mound and damn I wish it was still the good ol' days when we were in last place and when I bought furniture I'd ask for the Wolfman and the dementia hadn't kicked in and I hadn't been stuck in this home by my ungrateful children and I'm real glad to hear you on the air Lemmer, you were always my favorite player and you should go out there one more time and win one fer the GIPPER yesiree Bob I'll hang up and listen.

You, sir, are brilliant and you have put a very large smile on this otherwise sour and jaded face of mine.

/golf claps for Jon
//even if it's not the Jon in Tucker I think it is
///has to be, I recognize that howl anywhere
////still likes Lemmer though
/////even though suckup postgame show callers are going to drive me spare

David Stern wants a Darwin Award

Dayf gave me a wonderful piece of news today. Apparently, David Stern was so envious of the NHL'S attempt at autodarwination that he's decided to try to beat them at their own game. This makes me dance for joy! I'm all for sport (nudge nudge), but the allure of the NBA just escapes me. Over the many years, I have gone to several NBA games, and each time the experience is just less and less enjoyable. As much as football and baseball are criticised for the snail's pace of game play, NBA basketball is far, far worse.
Not too long ago, I was given free tickets to see the Hawks play some team, that, unlike the Hawks, was good. This led me to several conclusions:

  • The game is divided into two halves: The first three quarters, and the last quarter

  • The purpose of the game is to 1)foul the other team as much as possible, and 2) get on Sports Center

  • Basketball is not a team sport. It's a mob sport.

  • According to the calculus of basketball, a 3-point shot with a 0.000000001% chance of making it in is better than passing to someone who has a clear shot.

It just bores me to tears to actually go to a game, to watch a game, or to even think about basketball. So I, for one, am dancing for joy that there may not be any basketball this year. If the NHL has any sense they will take advantage of this and get some market share back after their disasterous lockout. In any case, it's only a few more months until the Gwinnett Gladiators start their season.

Happy 250th strip!

To Spamusement! Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines. (I stoled that description from their website!) Read them all in one sitting for maximum effect. Of course, maximum effect = insanity, so prepare accordingly.


Say hello to my new co-blogger, Josh. Hopefully we will now post more than once every 10 days and the quality level of the writing will be better than our sceen names...

Now get posting slacker!

*cracks whip*

Wednesday, June 15, 2005


Looks like my college essays (or a reasonable facsimile) somehow made it online.

I sure hope my Regent's exam where I described my dream of having a fortified mountain compound guarded by attack squirrels doesn't get out there, I don't need the attention from the authorites...

Monday, June 06, 2005


I now know what my grandmother was yelling at my grandfather all these years, as well as the proper spelling.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

It does not emit

I figure it's about time I unbabelized my title. The plan was to change it back on my next post, but as you can see I've been less prolific than a gay monk with a vasectomy at a planned parenthood meeting. I should probably also start archiving monthly seeing as how I'm barely averaging a post a week...