Thursday, June 16, 2005

David Stern wants a Darwin Award

Dayf gave me a wonderful piece of news today. Apparently, David Stern was so envious of the NHL'S attempt at autodarwination that he's decided to try to beat them at their own game. This makes me dance for joy! I'm all for sport (nudge nudge), but the allure of the NBA just escapes me. Over the many years, I have gone to several NBA games, and each time the experience is just less and less enjoyable. As much as football and baseball are criticised for the snail's pace of game play, NBA basketball is far, far worse.
Not too long ago, I was given free tickets to see the Hawks play some team, that, unlike the Hawks, was good. This led me to several conclusions:

  • The game is divided into two halves: The first three quarters, and the last quarter

  • The purpose of the game is to 1)foul the other team as much as possible, and 2) get on Sports Center

  • Basketball is not a team sport. It's a mob sport.

  • According to the calculus of basketball, a 3-point shot with a 0.000000001% chance of making it in is better than passing to someone who has a clear shot.

It just bores me to tears to actually go to a game, to watch a game, or to even think about basketball. So I, for one, am dancing for joy that there may not be any basketball this year. If the NHL has any sense they will take advantage of this and get some market share back after their disasterous lockout. In any case, it's only a few more months until the Gwinnett Gladiators start their season.


dayf said...

You've got it pretty much spot on, except that the purpose of the game is to 1)get on Sports Center so you can 2)get massive endorsement deals so you can 3)fritter away your talent whacked out on weed trying to pay alimony to all your baby mommas.

Otherwise, excellent analysis!

Josh said...

I never thought I would miss the days of Dennis Rodman. All he did was kick a photographer or two, dye his hair more often than the average toddler changes his nappies, and wear wedding dresses on occasion. He at least didn't try to put a cap in anyone's ass (Well maybe that one time, but they were consenting adults. . .)