Sunday, January 01, 2006

You Near's Revelation

Um, New Year's Resolution for Two-Aught-Aught-Six.

I Dayf, being of unsound mind and dead sexy body, do hereby resolve the following in 2006:

1) I will post at least one a day to this shitty blog, whether I need to or not, even if I have to monkey with the time stamp like I'm doing for this post because I was too drunk on the 1st to post anything coherent, and yeah, I know this isn't coherent, but you should have seen my sorry ass on the first, and at least one of the posts this year will be worth a crap, unlike this one. And the next post doesn't count, I was gonna post it on the second but missed. Close enough for government work, anyway.

2) I will not be mean to any Gamecocks fans, as I promised the USC Drum Corps guy on the Fark thread about the phrase "hunker down" being banned by a bunch of Michigan douchebags.

3) When I'm obsessively flipping through every single preset station on my radio over and over, I resolve to always stop when a Stevie Wonder song comes on, because there ain't gonna be anything better on the radio anyway.

3a) Yeah, I know I risk having to listen to Jungle Fever or some of his later insipid crap, but how often is that stuff on the radio anyway? And even so, it's still better than anything on Star 94. I mean, what the hell is the purpose of editing out the rap parts of the Gorrilaz' Feelgood Inc? Or Green Day's Holiday? Seriously, WTF??

4) This is an election year. During a lame duck term. With scandals flying like poo in a monkey house. With 96% of the electorate completely pissed off about something. Nevertheless, asshats are still going to end up winning the election. Just like they have won every election since 1792. BC. I will accept this and not flip out like I did last time if the wrong asshats end up winning.

5)I will not care about Fitzmas, Abramoffikka, Valenrove's Day, St. Patdown DeLay, Martin Luther King Bitchslaps Ralph Reed From the Grave For Giving Christianity a Bad Name Day, Cinco de Drag Scooter Libby to the Motherfucking Chair Fry his Ass Garnish with Lettuce and Hold the Mayo, or any other holidays fapped about on the blogs linked below until one of the scoundrels, ANY scoundrel, from ANY scoundrelous affiliation, actually ends up with a jail sentence and is in the jail sitting on the jail cot and is discussing Oscar Wilde with their new cellmate Rufus.

6)I am going to thoroughly enjoy the Braves this year whether they have a winning record or not, whether they win the division or not, whether they get bounced in the 1st round or not, whether they lose game 7 of the World Series to the Damn Yankees 1-0 in the 23rd inning on a dropped third strike, two stolen bases and a balk or not, because no matter how much the haters want to complain about the lone Championship in the middle of 14 straight division championships, no one can tell me that 90% of baseball fans wouldn't give their nipples to have their team have that much success. And we still got Bobby Cox bitches, so suck it.

7) I will see V for Vendetta. Several times. Bald Padme blowin' shit up with Agent Smith. HELL yeah.

8) I will finally send Javacrucian that CD I promised last Spring. I still love listening to Eclectica.

9) I will not stay up till 3AM posting incomprehensible rants on my blog that I will end up disavowing the next morning after I read them.

10) I will not add useless items to a list just so I can pad it out to a round number.

11) I will not screw up the time stamp and have to edit this post (twice!) to fix it.

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